I started by reading an e-book. Using an app called Aldiko Book Reader. (Pretty nice app. Do download it from Android market if you love reading). I read “The Time Machine”, a science fiction published in 1895. How ancient, LOL. Well, these are the free books from the store. I only download free stuff, usually. Frankly, I don’t normally read fictions in English. I’ve been so used to reading in Mandarin (sadly, my Chinese is de-proving nowadays). Nevertheless, this book is really interesting. I was intrigued by the discussion on the 4th dimension (time).

After reading for some time, I felt bored again. And you know, it’s tiring to read on a moving vehicle. So I stopped and started browsing others apps. I decided to play mahjong. To be honest, I’ve never played ‘real’ mahjong coz I feel I’m too lousy. I only know the most basic rules. I heard we need a number of ‘fan’ in order to win the game. However, I’ve no idea how to count ‘fan’. I did win sometimes (in the phone) by accident. But there were also times I thought I could win with my cards but it’s just never declared that I won. I guess it’s because I had not enough ‘fan’. Argh, I need a sifu!

Talking about games in Android, I’m finding them better and better. There are many more interesting (and free) games now (as compared to when I just bought the phone).

Oh then, back to my train journey. I was boooooooored. So I started taking pictures of myself! =P And then… editing pictures… There is this pretty cool (though simple) picture editing tool called PicSay. Here are some of my work done with this app (tried adding some items, adding some effects etc).

(ok you can see I was really really bored)

And  then there’s also another nice app that allows taking pictures with awesome effects! It’s FxCamera. I took something really funny picture with the SymmetriCam effect:-

For the one at the left, imagine: it’s a face with 2 eyes very close together, a huge nose and a wide smiling mouth. What a ‘cute’ cartoon character ^_^

(ok I think it’s needless to repeat that I was very bored)

Some other effects with FxCamera:-

(ok… I don’t need to remind you I was bored I suppose)

So I was really bored on the train while I couldn’t get into sleep (I didn’t even feel like I want to sleep) as usual. And then… I started typing this blog entry on my phone. Hehe!

And WHAT? You’ve been reading this from the top?! Congratulations, I must say, for having completed reading one of the boring stuff ever… I guess you are as bored as I was… B-P

这本书，我大力推荐大家去看看。无论你把它当成科幻小说还是真实故事来看，无论你相不相信里面的内容，我都建议你用心的把它看完吧。这本书的内容肯定有很多会带来很多的争议，但这不是重点（我觉得），最重要的是我觉得这本书可以给人带来了很多启示，引发人们去思考很多东西。

我想我还会再看至少一遍，因为昨晚看的时候太兴奋了，有的地方非常省略的看过了，而且在论坛上的那些贴，错别字还蛮多的，有的次序还颠倒了，有时看得我一头雾水，把我搞迷糊了。我想我会下载原文（英文）再读一遍。我决定在看了几遍后才判断其真实性。

这本书英文版名为《Thiaoouba Prophecy》，原名《Abduction to the 9th Planet》

地球上有许许多多现代科学仍然无法解答之谜，如慕大陆、大西洋洲、百慕大三角洲、远东岛、玛雅文化的消失、地轴变迁、金字塔的来源和用途、地球上的第一个人、UFO 、外星人等等。这些谜困惑了我们地球人类已经数千上万年了。作者在他奇异的十夭外星旅行之后，终于给我们带回来了答案。

但是，我们介绍《丈海奥华预言》， 并不是因为它告诉了我们这些谜的谜底，最重要的原因有以下几点：

(1) 关于基督教的起源和变迁。常使我们迷惑不解的是，上帝既然是万能的，为什么不造出完美的人类？他到底事先知不知道亚当和夏娃会偷吃禁果？我们祖先的罪会遗传给我们后人？这个罪是物质还是非物质性的精神？我们的罪又能因为耶稣的献身而灭掉？灭掉了吗？一个本来就能死而复生的人（耶稣），那他的死对他来说又有什么损失和痛苦？上帝关心的似乎主要是中东一带国家的民众，而很少顾及其它地区的民众？上帝是谁？耶稣是谁？……对这些问题，书中都给出了答案。

(2) 有无生死轮回？这是基督教和佛教之间的众多不同点之一。书中明确讲，有生死轮回。人死后不会只有天堂和地狱两个去处。我们也知道，现代精神医学中应用的逆行催眠法就有可能使人回忆其前一生，甚至前二生的人间生活经历；灵媒也能使我们和死去的亲人通话，而那些亲人告诉我们他们并不是在天堂也不是在地狱；我们也不时地听说有人能记得他前生的经历，而科学家们对此也都进行过极严格的检查和验证，无法否定这是事实渗看《轮回法则》 一书。就因为不知道人的生命有轮回，更不知道这轮回的法则，人们将名誉，地位，金钱等等当成是最值得追求和夺取的目标。为了个人利益而撒谎、欺骗，甚至抢劫、谋杀、铤而走险，或吸毒、卖淫，和自杀，将别人和自己的生命当儿戏。

(3) 我们比我们的祖先先进吗？这似乎是个奇怪的问题。现代科学成就随处可见，我们的生活物质方面，毫无疑问我们的祖先更好了。但是，我们现在仍然不明白金字塔是怎么建造的，几百吨重的大石块是怎样精确地砌在一起的。科学界到现在对我们的中医、针灸原理还不十分明白。

这本书也明确指出，我们的祖先不仅在物质技术上比我们还先进，就是整个社会生活都比我们文明。看一看我们的电视、报纸，哪一天没有暴力、抢劫、谋杀、贩毒？号称文明自由的国家，却几乎是不得不人手一枪，至今校园枪声不断撮小的罪犯竟然是个六岁的孩子！或者是强行推行官方的政治信念，选择性地向国民提供世界资讯。科学给我们带来了汽车、飞机、电脑、自动化生产，也把我们推到了核战争的火山口上；环境污染、臭氧层破坏、物种灭绝、大量杀伤性武器泛滥…… 我们的文明何在？科学家自己能使我们摆脱这一切魔影吗？

远古时代的人类所要应付的只是大自然（包括动物），而我们现在要应付的不但是大自然汗旱、洪灾、台风、地震、臭氧层破坏、环境污染，还有医学界疲于奔命的不断出现的新的病种，还要加上我们人类自己种族歧视、种族灭绝、侵略战争！想一想我们现在的人与人的关系吧，我们是否在潜意识里将政治集团、政党、国家、种族等，看成了随时会鄙视、欺骗、利用、打击，甚至是残害我们的那个不可相信、不可信任的对立体？我们是否还将他们看成是仍然具有人性的对方？如果不是这样，又何必有不同的政党、国家及国家联盟？这是否是危言耸听？《海奥华预言 》 的作者海奥华的外星人们明确地指出，我们地球人类现在正走在自我毁灭的道路上，而科学正在加速著这个过程。人必须向自己的内心寻找自由、平等、欢乐幸福，科学必须为我们的灵性成熟服务。而现实却恰恰相反，科学使我们越来越远离我们应该走的道路。我们并不是责难科学家和他们的研究，只是在此强调，不要被科学万能的光环搞得看不清了我们自己脚下应该走的路。他们和和我们一样，不知道我们每天在干什么！

(4) 如何才能使我们的社会免除罪恶，使人人过上真正平等、自由和幸福的生活？西方社会的典型观点是，必须自我奋斗，同时用法律来规范。殊不知，正是这自我奋斗的个人主义才造成了以我为主、不择手段的犯罪行为。而在民主和人权的口号下，法律制裁越来越松，或因某些政治集团的利益任意修改符合他们自己利益的法律，社会犯罪率向来居高不下。也有观点认为应采取社会福利制度，但这在某些国家数十年的实践却造成了人们“不思进取和贡献”的懒惰倾向。当社会生产力达到极高的水平，物质极大丰富的时候，人的私心私欲就会灭绝，产生罪恶的温床就会消失吗？一句话，人的物质享受欲望有尽头吗？当我们没有电视的时候，有一台黑白电视机就满足了；当有彩色电视后，后者又成了奋斗的目标；平面直角电视、立体电视、超微电视、手腕电视。随著科学的进步，人们的欲望就没完没了。住在美国的人想到华盛顿去旅游，游完美国想到欧洲，旅游完地球还想到月亮、火星、太阳系以外、银河系以外去旅游。巨商豪富们的欲望没有尽头，平民们难道能会只满足有吃有穿有住吗？物质到何时才是极大的丰富？

海奥华的人们明白地告诉我们，地球上曾经有过极其文明辉煌的时代，那就是慕大陆时代。那时人们生活得自由、平等、物质丰富、犯罪率极低。而那种社会的维系靠的是心灵修行和极其严厉的刑法。心灵修行使人们有看到人体辉光和感应思想的能力。这样，一个人的秉性、修养水平，连同他的思想都在有能力的人面前表露无疑。当整个社会的成员都有一定的心灵修行水平的时候，那些罪犯、私心的政治家、伪善的宗教大师，以及个人的虚伪、谎言等等还能隐藏吗？加上严厉的刑法使人明白罪恶的事是万万不可为的，否则毫无悔改的余地，读者想一想，这样的社会难道没有可能吗？

这就是我们想给读者介绍本书的主要原因。书中涉及了地球上许许多多奇怪的事情，从前述的地球之谜到心灵感应、轮回转生、抗地心引力、黄种人和黑种人的来源、慕大陆和大西洋洲的消失、月亮之谜、火星人等。有些读者可能觉得很难理解，或根本就不相信。我们的看法是，当我们不相信某件事的时候，我们问一下自己，如何才能使我们相信；及当我们相信某件事的时候（数学、火星探测、复制动物、地球上有个南极洲等），我们又是根据什么相信它们的？靠我们的眼、耳、鼻、舌、皮肤感觉，我们是否曾想过，我们曾经上过我们这些感觉器官的当？我们的眼睛看不到紫外线，耳朵听不到极高频率的声波，鼻子闻不出特殊的气味，我们能说这些光、声，和味不存在吗？人类的“逻辑”推理吗？我们的逻辑（科学上的三段论）使我们的推理错误的例子还少吗？讲学理论的进步过程实质上就是一个不断证明著我们的逻辑错误的过程）。对于这一切，作者说的很明白：“你不必相信，但你应该知道。”我们也这么认为。

I was with Beti at PS a few days ago. A lady came to me outside PS and started by asking me whether i think ex-prisoners should be given a chance to study. I said sure, why not. By then, Beti had already escaped to one side and sat there, watching / waiting for me. Anyway, that lady told me that she is an ex-prisoner wanting to go back to studies and she needs some money. She showed me a Mickey Mouse notebook and said that was made by her – very hard, time-consuming, tiring, etc. She hoped i can donate a $10 to her. After talking to her for a few minutes, checked her pass (kononnya some project), asked her about government support in this etc… and, yes, i finally took out my wallet and took out a $10 note for her. I believed in most of the things she said, except that she made the Mickey Mouse notebook because it really doesn’t seem ‘handmade’. It just seems like an ordinary notebook that i can get in any stationary shop.

Argh… My cash flow for these few months is already negative! Why did i still give her my money! I just don’t know how to say ‘NO’. Well, right after this lady, i was walking towards Beti and… another guy came to me and asked “How should i address you?”. Argh… i really felt 哭笑不得 coz i know he was going to do the similar – get some money out of me. After asking me about my occupation, income etc, he was trying to demonstrate to me that saving in a bank doesn’t help me generate much return. And he was going to continue talking about how better it would be if i save my money with his company. I guess Beti couldn’t take it anymore so she came and rescued me by telling the guy “Sorry, we’re in a hurry!”. Oh how brilliant~! How can i forget about this excuse. I usually do use this excuse to get rid of these people when i am really rushing. But that day, i totally forgot about it – to be specific, i forgot that i could actually lie. Lol.

There have been a lot of similar happenings. I’m also donating to Singapore Cancer Society every month coz of pretty much the same reason (but it’s my dad’s money though!). And i have also continued my facial treatment package coz i failed in rejecting! Well, i really tried… but i guess those people are good in sales, in pushing people and i suck in saying ‘NO’. So i had again succumbed to it.

HELP!

i have a lot to share. but my time management is a little screwed this semester.

i will definitely re-organize my schedule after my MA exam next monday and make sure i reflect and share as often as i could =)

Thinking about making a difference in the world even after leaving the world, I opened my wallet and took this card out.

“The Gift of Life”.

I decided to register for this 3 years ago. I was just thinking to be at least a little useful to the world that I’m living in. Imagine those people who suffer from terminal organ failure. Their only hope is to get a replacement. Donor pledgers aren’t a lot. Actual donors (those pledgers who actually died – and, died in the right way) are even fewer. There are so many patients on the waiting list. They wait. They pray. They wonder. What I can do for these people (just a tiny fraction of them) when I’m dead is to say “Hey~ I don’t need my body anymore! Take what you need, use it, live well, be a good person and do good to the world (like me :P), okay? =D” . Wow~ isn’t that beautiful?

And you? Wouldn’t you want to make a difference in this world as well? Even after you leave the world (that wouldn’t cost you anything I suppose…)? If you are a Malaysian and you haven’t pledged to be a donor, think about it seriously! Once you have decided to give the Gift of Life, take immediate action! Well, I think immediate action is important because, you know, (touch wood first) life is fragile and we can leave anytime, anywhere.

“Tell your family of your wish to be an organ donor”.

Oops.

I just realized that although this Malaysian Donor card has been with me for 3 years, I am not even sure whether my family knows about it.

That’s what I’m doing now. I’d like to officially declare that “I wish to be an organ donor”, and “I request that after my death, all my organs & tissues to be removed for the purposes of transplantation”.

Phew~ feel a little more relieved since I’ve made it so clear in black-and-white (not printed but it’s published) where everyone can see. Haha.

I guess i should laminate my Donor card or something ya? Just a few years lying in my wallet and it has become so old and shabby. If I am able to live for 50 more years, this card would certainly be gone by then, wouldn’t it?

p/s: Actually i have some other wish after my death as well (okay i know i’m greedy). But it’s seriously time to sleep now coz i have class tomorrow… Good night!

Good, bad, cute, ugly, funny, unglam, innocent, evil, nice, naughty, quiet, noisy, angelic, wicked, tender, wild, kind, selfish, cheerful, pessimistic, smart, silly, serious, playful, humble, arrogant, fragile, strong, friendly, cold, brave, cowardly, ethical, mysterious, etc.

Do you actually know all of them? Frankly, I don’t.

Hi, Kahhweessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss……

假期，假期，我太喜欢假期了！假期的生活只有吃、喝、玩、乐、睡觉，没有烦恼！说起来有点惭愧，每次假期之前我都会大概策划着我假期里应该学点什么充实自己，结果回到家去什么都抛到九霄云外去了。12月7日至30日二十四天我究竟怎么过的呢？现在的确需要时间回忆一下……

8—9日：忘了，大概只是在家休息吧

10—14日：普吉岛！之前我提过“希望一家人开开心心一起去旅行！虽然差不多每年爸妈都会安排旅行，可是不是每个时候都是人齐的。。。希望年年的人数都会增多”，愿望达成了哦！这次旅行很开心，大家都到齐了，而且人数也增多了 =D

拍了很多美美的照片。风景美；人也美。哈！想到普吉岛游玩的可以参考下这些相簿：part 1 和 part 2

15—18日：忘了，大概也只是在家休息吧，晚上就和老友出来喝茶叙旧咯

19—22日：和宝贝男友见面，每一次回去都会见一次。每次一回家，爸爸都会问我“有没有上KL啊？”或者“几时上KL啊？”来探测我的感情事。我见了回来之后就会问说“见一次罢了咩？”，哎哟爸，要见几次才算好啊？在家陪你不好吗？

23日：应该是在家休息吧。晚上时帮爸爸弄了些Excel Macro和VBA的东西，减轻他工厂会计方面的工作。

24—26日：和家人上云顶庆祝圣诞去，遗憾的是妹妹因为生病没去。每次上云顶前几天就参加生活营，去了生活营后便生病，这次好像是第三次了。笨蛋！这么大了自己还不会照顾自己的身子吗？每次都要我来提醒喝多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多多水啊~唉唷！在云顶三天也没做什么，好像只是看了场魔术表演，看《Avatar》（很不错下），还有进了赌场一会儿。就这样，其它时间都是在闲逛、吃和睡觉。就连圣诞倒数也没有参与，哈哈哈。

26日在家的晚上其实有点特别。晚上爸妈和我看了会儿Titanic，在十二点多时到外夜宵。记得以前小时候我们常常吃宵夜呢，之后当我们了解到宵夜对健康的影响就很少出去吃了。回来之后爸爸一时兴起说要唱歌！爸爸最近刚学唱歌，我敢说这次回来是我一生第一次听爸爸唱歌，听到爸爸去学唱歌其实觉得有点意外，以往爸爸对唱歌完全没有接触的。然后我们就开了些老歌来清唱到半夜两点多，接着我和妹妹还必须帮忙些乡亲录取卡带成MP3以便能烧成CD。那晚之后的第二天早上，当我起来想起前晚的时候，眼睛竟有一点泪水，I know I’m definitely gonna miss it so much。

27—28日：早上和老朋友们吃早餐和闲聊，下午一起上芙蓉和中学老师见面。接着就上KL找JC时期的朋友，大家都各分东西了，很难才能找到时间见面呢，每次见面都是匆匆的几个小时。看到他们就好象看到亲人般，很亲切。五个人吃了两百多块的西餐，利害下。

29日：剪修头发！一年没修过了，杂草般乱翘。在理发前后还故意拍了照以做比较：

————————–前———————————————–后————————-

没多大分别吧？只是发尾变平了。还以为修平了头发就不会乱翘，可是过后发现其实还是会的！看图感觉我把头发染黑了，其实没有，只是灯光和相机的设置的影响。我是不会染头发的，“自然就是美”一直是我的价值观嘛，我不想大幅度破坏自然的头发，哈哈。

30日：乘搭火车回到狮城……离开的前几天我一直在家人面前用哭腔猛唱《火车》这首歌，不过来来去去都是那一两句而已，哈哈！

这是一首闽南语歌，其实应该由送别的人来唱才对，呵呵。

歌手：张秀卿 专辑：好女儿
《车站》

火车已经到车站
阮的心头渐渐重
看人欢喜来接亲人
阮是伤心来相送

无情的喇叭声音声声弹
月台边依依难舍心所爱的人

火车已经过车站
阮的目眶已经红
车窗内心爱的人
只有期待夜夜梦

嗯，我的假期就是这么过的，还有很多东西想记录下来，或许下次吧…

“请问我是佛教徒，还是自由思想者/无宗教信仰者（Free Thinker）呢？”

当他人问起自己时，我的答案有几种：

• “佛教”
• “佛教，但是我只相信自己要相信的东西”
• “自由思想者/无宗教信仰者，但是偏于佛教”

有的人说，既然都偏向于佛教了，就不算是无信仰者了嘛……乍听之下还蛮对的，可是现在仔细想想，我觉得其实第三个答案最恰当。我属于自由思想者/无宗教信仰者，可是个人的思想最接近佛教。为什么我偏于佛教呢？

我不相信神/上帝/万物创造者的存在。佛陀（释迦牟尼）和我们一样是个人，没有魔法，没有超能力，没有操纵着万物生命的力量。不同于我们的是，他觉悟了、醒悟了、看透了。佛并非独一无二的，众物觉悟了都可是佛。

佛教的教义——无常、万事皆空，我很赞成。世间一切事物都会变化，没有什么东西可以真正永恒。人会死；情会逝；物会变。如果完全觉悟了，一个人不会有得失的观念，一旦失去什么也不会觉得伤心痛苦，因为那是自然的事，那就是无常。说是很容易，究竟怎么去悟，我也很想知道。

佛教提倡平等、民主、自由、和平，我很赞成。无论是对与自己有无关系、相识与否，不管是什么生物——人、动物、昆虫等……总之，宇宙万物皆平等、皆有佛性，我们都不应该伤害，所以五戒的第一戒就是不杀生。

说起不杀生，我很惭愧。我一直都觉得杀生是一件非常残忍的事，我很想不杀，可是我忍不住会杀死蚊子、蟑螂、蜘蛛等，然后觉得很自责。上次在宿舍晚上睡觉给蚊子干扰了就忍不住大开杀戒；还有看到蟑螂本来想设个陷阱把它引到鞋盒内再把它丢了，结果竟然不小心杀死了它；打扫房间的时候看见了蜘蛛网和只小蜘蛛就直接把它吸进了吸尘机里去了；等等等等。我一直都会幻想如果我是那只小东西的话，那好可怜哦！无端端被人杀死了，好痛啊！它家人也会很伤心的……

还有，我就是抵挡不住吃肉的诱惑。其实那些都很残忍……看看这些图就知道了：

用一点想象力，把你想象成那些被杀害的鸡/鸭/猪/牛/羊/鱼，我想你也能体会到他们的痛，那样你还忍心吃吗？问题是，我还是将它们吃了！我目前最多可以做到的就是尽量只吃三净肉，最终的目标究竟还是全茹素。我一定要慢慢锻炼自己做到不杀的境界！其实有时候真的不晓得该怎么不杀，比如说我要打扫一间很脏充满虫蚁的房子，不杀？怎么不杀呢？如果有人知道的话请提点我一下……不买皮制物品、不捕鱼打猎钓虾、不无故杀害东西这些我都还ok……

哎呀！怎么突然离题了！回归正题吧！
说为什么我是自由思想，为什么我偏于佛教。

刚刚提到五戒，本人认为这些戒律守了对人们肯定有益无害。

• 不杀生：尽量守了，没有必要就尽量不杀了
• 不偷盗：守了
• 不邪淫：也守了
• 不妄语：有待加强，因为我常会不小心祸从口出的
• 不饮酒：偶尔喝喝可是不多

说了那么多，那为什么我觉得自己不是佛教徒？

佛教相信六道（天道、人道、修罗道、傍生道、鬼道、地狱道）轮回，死后上升还是下坠一切就看我们的造业善恶。我也很想相信，可是或许是念太多科学了吧，我根本不相信死后还有其它的世界。死了，就什么都没有了。我非常不喜欢这么想，因为那令我非常害怕死亡。我非常希望自己可以相信死后还可以投胎转世什么的，那样我才不会觉得死亡就是一切都结束了，那样我才不会对死亡有着这么大的恐惧。真希望有人可以在这方面给我指点一二。

佛教也提倡因果论。这个我也相信，可是我只相信同世的因果。都不相信轮回转世了，还怎能相信跨世的呢。善有善报，恶有恶报。很多人用这样的理论来鼓励大家多做善事，少做坏事。这个我非常不喜欢，难道做好事就只是为了以后的好报吗？做善事不是应该打从心底的善心来做才对吗？不行恶难道也只是为了避免以后的恶报？如果没有报应的话那么人们都可以做坏事了？唉，我希望大家做好事都是发自内心的……我这个不是在批评佛教，我只是在批评利用因果来鼓励人们做好事的理论。

另外，每当我到了寺庙，我心里都会踌躇为何我们要烧香呢？为什么人们利用鲜花水果来供奉佛呢？有这个必要吗？香烛，其实不香，还会熏到眼睛痛，而且还对空气造成了污染。鲜花，明明好好一条美丽的生命，却被摘下来放到寺院去。水果，放到佛前他也不能品尝，有时还被浪费掉了。我不觉得佛陀会喜欢这些东西，我不觉得佛陀会要求他的子弟那么做。如果那是他的主意的话，那我就不信佛了。刚刚在谷歌搜索了一些资料，我们来看看：

由于香能袪除一切臭气、不净，使人身心舒畅，产生美妙的乐受，因此常被用来做为供养佛菩萨、本尊的圣品，如《苏悉地经》中，就把香列为五种供养之一，而《大日经》也将之列为六种供养之一。

摘自百度

我们供养是代表我们的恭敬心，还有就是表法

表什么法，就是有好的果报

烧香也是代表我们的虔诚心，佛教讲代表戒定慧

摘自搜狗

我个人认为，有心就好，未必需要什么东西来表示恭敬心虔诚心。

说自己是自由思想者，照理来说应该很科学。我理性上很科学，不相信神鬼说，不相信轮回转世，不相信天堂地狱，不相信万物创造者、操控者。然而，人总是矛盾的。不相信鬼的我很胆小，一个人尤其是晚上的时候却会怕鬼。是看了恐怖电影的后遗症吧！不相信死后世界的我在听到些灵异事件心里还是会很怕的。不相信轮回转世的我看见死去的生命口中却还是会念“阿弥陀佛”希望自己可以帮忙超度它们。不相信万物创造操纵者的我有时候却会对着老天祈祷，老是认为有什么东西在庇佑着自己所以自己一直以来都很幸运。人嘛，就是矛盾得很。

说了很多，我好像还是有点混淆哦，到底我是不是属于第三类“自由思想者/无宗教信仰者，但是偏于佛教”那个啊？哈哈。没关系，我其实很喜欢佛教，只是不是每样东西都会去相信。我觉得佛陀也不会鼓励我们盲目去跟从他的教诲的吧。我绝对愿意去把自己的很多的不明白不相信的东西弄个清楚再来做个明确的判断——我的宗教信仰是什么。

—–

题外话1：其实民间很多人都会焚烧冥纸给死去的亲人，其实我也觉得那个对空气太不好了，我以后能不能不做呢？

题外话2：刚才无意中看到了这篇《扔弃佛教 信仰基督》，大概读了一些。我想说其实很多地方都有那些不正信的佛教，又或者是盲目跟从佛教礼仪，以为念经就能解决一切，又或者是有的法师做不好（究竟法师也是人嘛）等等的情况，这些都误导了很多人对佛教的看法，那很可惜。我觉得，其实佛教并不是宗教(religion)，只是一种教育(education)。其实我想佛教传了那么多年，现今的佛教和原来的那个可能也已经偏离了不少。我心里总相信当年的释迦牟尼可是真正的觉悟了，当时的人们真幸运，可以向一个那么伟大的老师学习。现在的我们，就只能靠多年流传下来的一切来学习了……

There’s no blood
yet the cruelty is terrifying
I hate it
I hate it
I hate it

It’s noisy
It’s the alarm
I opened my eyes

Oh
It’s not a movie?
It’s a dream?
It’s my dream?

Terrifying!
Not the movie
It’s my heart
It’s my mind
It’s my inner self
It’s me

There is a devil in me?

Firstly i must thank Ms Cutie for urging me to take part in this race which was supposed to be a motivation for me to exercise (to run, to be more specific). She also tried to pressurize me with “hey i ran 5km in 34 mins today!” etc. Unfortunately, i only trained for a few times before i lost my shoe bag in October. I then had an excuse not to train since i’ve lost my shoes until i bought another pair a week before the run. I had been feeling rather guilty because i’ve promised her that i will train regularly but i didn’t. She was positive and told me that “i know we can do this together”.

Honestly, running was something that i really feared especially after napfa 2.4k run. There were times i was being a coward and trying to come up with excuses for me to escape this run. But i know i can’t run away from this because Cutie is gonna kill me if i do so. In the end, i went there with a 死就死吧 kind of attitude. Hahaha… I met Cutie one day before the run and collected the entry pack together. I think she could totally feel how nervous i was. You wouldn’t understand this. To some people, 10km is such an easy thing. But you know, for Ms Gan Kah Hwee, running 10km is like tougher than doing 10 times of FYP (that’s what i thought before the run). It’s an utter breakthrough for me an unfit person to run for 10k! Serious!

Before the run, Cutie kept telling me that “our aim today is no stopping (no walking) for the entire race”. It’s a mental challenge, not physical. “Keep telling yourself you can do it and you will be able to do it”. I believe it’s true but sadly i still gotta admit that i didn’t persevere enough. I started to walk after 1 or 2 km while she was consistently trying to encourage me to run by helping me to set small targets like “we’ll start running from that yellow sign”, “let’s run till that ERP sign”, telling me that the air was polluted so we’d better move faster, etc. 辛苦你了！ I really regret not training…

I’m thankful that there were drink stations at every 2km interval which really helped me to recharge. At around 5km, somehow Cutie and i just lost each other. I thought she’s behind me but i can’t see her anymore when i turned around. There was some funny thought popping into my mind that time (well, it seems funny now but it wasn’t funny at all that time). I was very worried that something bad might happen to her that time as she was running with an old injury around her ankle. Another possibility could be that she was running in front of me. For either case, i knew i just had to move on and reach the finishing point. My journey later on was easier, somehow without Cutie :P. Perhaps it’s the power gel’s effect.

10km Women’s Average Time:

With running plus walking, i finally reached the finishing point in 1 hour 34 mins and 33 secs (ranking 4388 out of 7000+. Slower than 59% of the finishers). Cutie was 4 mins and 32 secs earlier than me but we didn’t see each other! She was waiting for me at the finishing point while i proceeded to collect my medal and then tried to look for her. After searching for 15 mins, i decided to go back to hostel to get my phone because that’s the contact number for any emergency. There’s no notification. I tried to send telepathic message to her to call me but in vain. I went out again to try to search for her along the way from hostel to Padang, but to no avail either. Finally she came back when i was in the hostel again. She had been waiting for me for 1 hour at the finishing point under the hot sun! My goodness~ So sorry, Cutie… This incident proves that we don’t have 默契 at all even after staying together for so long. *Sad*

Anyway, this was a truly satisfying experience for me. I did something that i thought i will never do in my life! I’m now experiencing severe muscle ache thanks to this + intensive walking / shopping after that! I am grateful to have this experience and i think i should do it more often in the future =) Enjoy life, people!

I’m really glad to work with the Mimosa’s. It has been a looooooong and exhausting project but i really enjoyed it! Thanks so much, team Mimosa <3

I realized something.

Whenever i’m sad/upset/angry/etc, i should ask myself a question:

“DOES IT REALLY MATTER?”

More often than not, the answer will be “no”.
Example? The pimples. Do they really matter? NO.

=)

Of course, if something does really matter, then i’ll need to do something about it. But usually it’s the thing that doesn’t really matter causes trouble in things that do really matter. Example? I was angry with my mum and kept complaining in front of her when she was late in fetching me to school. And she teared. The a-few minutes of her being late didn’t really matter, but our relationship does really matter a lot. Ok i was young and immature during my secondary school time. Sorry mummy!

- Kah Hwee on March 5, 2009

Don’t you think this is brilliant? :P

Frankly, the current me has totally forgotten about this principle of “DOES IT REALLY MATTER?” until i read it again now. I am surprised how mature my thinking was that point of time. Sometimes, i really need to remind myself again and again and again about all these good principles in life. Another good one is this:

Happiness Rules 快乐的条件:

1. Free your heart from hatred
   消除心中的仇恨
2. Free your mind from worries
   消除脑中的忧虑
3. Live simply
   简单的生活
4. Give more
   付出多一些
5. Expect less
   期望少一些

How many have you fulfilled? 你做到了几项？

Alright, let me do a quick check:

1. No hatred?
   Checked!
2. No worries?
   Hmmmmm. I think everyone has worries. Mine might be considered relatively lesser? Haha
3. Live simply?
   Quite simple… ummm… relatively simpler i think?
4. Give more?
   Depends on what i’m giving…
   Give more in projects and assignments – yes.
   Give more to my friends and family – definitely not enough…
   Give more to the society? *blush* i’m ashamed of myself
5. Expect less?
   Hmm. I do expect a lot from myself. That’s how i get myself improved. This should be reasonable i think?

Hmmm.

Besides that, i’m totally amused by myself when i read again what i wrote here, here and here. Absolutely amazing.

Some people are curious that why bloggers blog. For me, i started blogging when i left my home for my A-levels in Singapore. My first ever blog entry was posted in in May 2005 here. I wanted to use blog as a channel to update my family and friends (who bother to read) about my life in Singapore. I did consistently update the blog with my recent events, feelings and photos. It then slowly turned out to be a place for me to share my thoughts and perspectives, good articles, stories, songs, videos, etc.

And now, i think blogging could help in my personal growth. I guess this is one of the reasons i continue blogging nowadays (although it’s pretty infrequent). It’s for me to do a reflection on myself – to recall who i was in the past and think who i am now; to ask myself whether i have grown or i am moving backwards; to learn from the past me and past experience…

I am a forgetful person. I need somewhere to record what i thought and went through so that when i look back in the future, i still remember who i used to be. Why don’t i just use a private diary then? Hmmm. Well, making it public would help update people (again, for those who bother to read) about me, understand me a little more too. Meanwhile, i can also get some feedback from those who bother to comment.

However, i do notice some difference between the current me and the past me while i blog. The past me was more of a carefree person who just wrote whatever popped up in my mind without much consideration. Somehow this is not the case now. Sometimes, i do hesitate when i write. I don’t exactly know why/how this happens. I saw my friend’s entry a few months ago which has precisely described my feeling:

…

I wrote of my days. I wrote of my dreams. I wrote of my fear. I wrote of my wants. I wrote of the mundane. I wrote of the excitement. I wrote everything in the light. I wrote everything behind the light. By writing everything was out in the open and nothing was in the dark.

I cringe reading some of those things. Why oh why did I ever publish that on a public blog!?! How thoughtless of me to write that. How could I? But I did. I supposed I did with a need to be transparent, to be proud of myself.

Contrast with the silence of present.

I hid my days. I hid my dreams. I mask my fear. I mask my wants. I live in the mundane. I dream of the excitement. I keep everything in the dark. I keep everything under the cover of night.

Where, when and how it happened? Needing to keep up appearances. Hiding your emotions under a mask. Being more confident than you ought to be.

…

Maybe… this is the price of becoming a so-called adult… But anyway, i’ll try to continue this effort. Train myself to reflect and share. That’s why… I’m typing this now. Heeheehee.

—–

有时我会怀疑自己在大学里一直在忙呀忙呀忙呀忙的（尤其是最近），这样究竟好不好呢？忙的时候比较不会想太多，但是也会开始忽略了生命中一些重要的东西…就像Morrie先生说的那样。不忙的时候会想比较多，特别多愁善感的（有点像现在，多数Project和Assignment都过了，没那么忙了，该准备考试的时候不读书，在读自己的部落），但是灵感也比较多，所以这几天写的也比较多，呵呵

• 亲眼目睹和体验雪花纷飞的情景。我还要躺在雪地上弄个蝴蝶的形状！还有还有还有堆雪人，给它一个大大美美的smiley face！ =) 唉~可怜的孩子，雪也没看过。。。
• 到纽西兰或类似山青水秀的地方过着无忧无虑的田园隐居生活至少一个月。养鸡养鸭养牛养羊养马养鱼养虾什么都行！最好也可以种稻谷蔬菜水果还有各类花草树木。。。
• 到永胜去探望我的孩子。谁要和我一起去？
• 一家人开开心心一起去旅行！虽然差不多每年爸妈都会安排旅行，可是不是每个时候都是人齐的。。。希望年年的人数都会增多 :P
• 结婚，拥有自己的家庭、孩子。呵呵呵不懂zomok好像讲到很想嫁人酱~其实有点想体验生孩子的滋味，那样才能明白世间母爱的伟大嘛。。。哈哈！
• 煮超屌的一餐给自己的家人朋友们吃。以我现在的厨艺和懒惰的程度来说啊，不懂要等到几时叻。。。
• 短期出家。阿弥陀佛！我离佛祖的教诲越来越远了。。。
• 死后捐献器官。我是已经申请了捐献卡，只是不懂死了之后有没有人知道而已。。。
• 编写个有用的程序然后发扬光大。心动不如行动啊小姐~唉 -_-”
• 乘坐热气球在天空自由翱翔。要自由翱翔那种哦，不是被条绳子束着 好像风筝一样被放上天空那种。。。

凌晨4点45分，闹钟响了，可是我这只懒虫还是很想继续的睡下去。

4点50分，我听到了外面的喧哗声，心想“啊，是流星刚刚划过了吗？”，好奇心终于战胜了睡虫。

穿上了冷衣，赶下了楼下，快步走到宿舍的天台顶上。一路走的时候，我眼睛也不忘望着天空，深怕自己错过了什么的。上了楼梯后看见那里已经有十多个人躺在地上望着天空了。地上有点潮湿，下午时下了雨吧。没关系，我直接就把拖鞋脱了躺下去，千万不能耽误了看任何流星的机会啊。（之后才发现其实大家都用报纸什么的来垫底的）

当时的天空蛮清晰的，没什么云儿，那绝对是适合看星星的好机会啊。我往上空看了几分钟，眼睛开始慢慢适应了黑暗。hmm，貌似没有看到什么流星，反而很清楚的看到了猎户座和它那腰间上三颗星，还有北极星。啊，我怎么知道这些？原来……我突然想起了小时候，二哥对天文学很有兴趣的。这些，都是他告诉我的。还记得有什么北斗七星、小熊座大熊座什么的。二哥，你还记得吗？我突然，期望一家人也可以有这样一起躺在地上看天空谈心的机会。

过了十分钟，还是没有流星。有的人也开始抱怨了，说呀，是谁把我们叫出来看的，如果没有流星雨的话就那他就惨了。呵呵，开玩笑的当然。在我来之前是有出现了几颗。有的人从三点半就开始躺在那儿了，有的四点半开始。我最迟来，可是错过的也不多。

突然，天边突然闪过了点白色的什么的。就那么一刹那，若不是其他人的呼叫声，我真的会怀疑是否自己在幻想呢。第一次看到了流星，我心里在踌躇着该不该许个愿。但是我就是担心在许愿的当儿会不小心错过了下一颗流星，所以我选择了继续很专心的盯着天空。天空好大，眼睛不知道该专注在哪个方向才是……只好一会儿看这儿，一会儿望那儿。

忽然，又一条白线划在前方，马上又传来呼喊声。啊，谢谢老天 :) 又让我看到了一个。当时也听到了有人喊说“啊~我怎么没看到啊！一定是你们在幻想！”，其实如果只有我一个人看到，我也真的不敢肯定呢。之后也有几下呼声，可是我什么都没看到，可能是望错方向了吧。再后来，又看到了一颗……

大约五点半，空中的云朵开始散布了过来，遮着了大约四成的天空，人们也陆陆续续离开了。可以理解的吧，下星期是考试周呢，大家当然想早点睡早点起床念书吧。我独自依旧躺在那里，看着空中随风飘扬的云儿。

云儿也很好看啊！我一直都很喜欢观望变化多端的云儿，可以看出很多东西来呢！一会儿可以看见小熊，一会儿可以看见笑脸，一会儿可以看见妈妈抱着宝宝，太可爱了！可是那晚，不知为什么，我觉得我看见的，很多都是丑陋的东西，凶猛的动物、面孔等。是我心灵变丑了吗？嗯，有的，有时我会觉得很讨厌自己的作为呢。该检讨检讨了……

突然，天空上再划了两条白线……这一次只有我一个人看到了，是真的、假的？没人能证明……可是我也把它们算进去了，我总共看到了五颗！嘻嘻！颜嘉慧，你知道吗？你很幸福哦，要好好珍惜身边的人；不好的东西，就放下吧！

就那样，我哼着歌曲，看着天空，与自己对话……大约十分钟了，好吧，很迟了，一个人在这儿很危险吧，嗯，是时候休息了……很开心，这种机会不是常有的……虽然，只要走几步，花几分钟躺在那儿，看看天空……

结果，还是硬着头皮买了星期二的车票。

对不起，爸爸。

我答应我一定会更常回家的。

对不起。。。

＂我要回家！！！！！＂

hmmm… 有的好像不太实际呢。。。

其实还有很多呢，不懂zomok当下一时想不出来，以后想到再加呗。。。
突然想写这个是因为想要有个记录，以免以后忘记。。。
你都知道的啦，我很健忘的嘛。。。

But anywayz i think i should always try to improve the skill,
just in case i can’t find any job, i can still act as a monkey to earn a living. Maybe.

Okay i’m just too bored.

Woke up at 2.30pm this morning afternoon.

Brunch at 3.30pm.

Started cleaning / tidying apartment at 4.30pm.

Dinner at 8.30pm.

Watched Harry Porter from 9.30pm to 12am.

Supper at 12.15am.

Started Facebook-ing, Youtube-ing & MSN-ing at 1am.

Blogging at 2.48am ==> NOW.

BAD LIFESTYLE. Well said, CS.

I really need to adjust.

But comparing to Richard who slept at 7am and woke up at 12 noon, i’m still better. LOL

We had some paper steamboat at Ichiban Sushi and then walked around Ang Mo Kio hub. I thought i found something back. I used to enjoy shopping in gift shops (more specifically – stuff with encouraging notes, cute & funny stuff) during JC time. Somehow i just discontinued it when i came to SMU. Today, i found the feeling back.

Something is back too.

After having McDonald sundae and saying bye bye to Tessie, it’s 9.30pm – time to go home. When i entered the MRT, i had a weird feeling – oh no, i forgot to check the train direction. Then i heard that the next station is Yio Chu Kang. “Phew~ luckily i’m in the right train”, i thought – while i wasn’t. And i only realized it when i was at Sembawang – 4 stations after that. And so i came out from the train and took the one opposite. I closed my eyes and fell asleep right away. When i opened my eyes again, i was already at City Hall – i missed Dhoby Ghaut station! Argh. And so i went out and took the other train. After entering, somehow i did a check – and found out that i was in the wrong train again! The train was heading Raffle’s Place. Fortunately i was fast enough to get out from the train. And finally, i took the right train and made my way home. I arrived at around 10.45pm. Wow. It took me 1 hour and 15 mins to reach hostel from Ang Mo Kio.

Well done, Kah Hwee.

And not to forget: welcome back, my blurness!

(To help you visualize, just in case. Lol)

Yay internship is over!

So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

- Morrie

i shall always remember wat he said

I feel energetic when i do coding
even though i’ve been feeling so sleepy the whole day.
That’s the reason i’m sleeping around 3-5am these days.
I usually feel sleepy at work,
and then when i’m back to school/hostel and start coding,
i don’t feel sleepy anymore,
which results in another long night and then another sleepy day at work.

Pfft.

Hello geek~!

你一定要听。。。最重要是要注意歌词。。。

我其实比较喜欢这个版本，可是找了很久却找不到适合的文件放上去。。。

那似乎是偶然的一天 你从温暖的室内 终于接触到室外的冷 你呱呱的啼声 表示内心深处 存在着对恩的感激	这不该是偶然的一天 你年年都会记住 终于又渡过一个生日 你欢喜的庆祝 是否内心深处 已忘了对恩的感激	或许会有那样的一天 你终于体会到 世间最珍贵的母难日 是无可取代的 这是内心深处 充满着对恩的感激
	可曾知道当两个生命 挣扎着生存 是痛苦与欢乐的交织 是呻吟与欢笑的交响 是含泪的满足	可是记得当母亲痛苦 挣扎的时候 是生存与死亡的一线 是施恩与受慧的一刻 是含泪的感恩

And it’s funny. I get 2 kinds of totally different responses when i’m telling about my struggle (should i wan it or should i not wan it — it determines my mindset and attitude which will make a whole lot of difference in my performance during interview). Response A ”of coz u should go for it! it’s so prestigious. it’s top of the top. yadha yadha…” versus Response B ”why do u wanna be so greedy? going to top uni / getting master isn’t always good. blablabla…” lol

* seems like my blogging style has changed due to the lack of time

my current life is just about fyp fyp fyp fyp fyp all the way

i’ve been sleeping around 2-4am lately
i need to control it! it’s really bad for health!
n im late for work sometimes as i overslept
n i always feel so sleepy at work
grhhhh wat a bad employee m i

n i have to say sorry to some of my friends. im sure a number of them felt ignored by me in msn. mostly it’s bcoz im having fyp meeting or im doing fyp

sigh

m i still normal

现在，我觉得 爸爸妈妈 跟旅行团 来这里 也不错。

至少我不必费心去策划了。

那些脑子里本来的计划。。。下次吧。。。不过下次又不知道是几年后了。。。

还有，我终于有机会到geylang了，一直听说那里很多美食呢。。。
虽然是地方是杂了些，不过对于馋嘴的我来说。。。那没关系啦！呵呵

wake up at 6+am everyday and go to work,

then go to school for project after work,

or even do the project when i’m back to hostel,

and only do laundry or clean the room if necessary…

yeap, i told myself that my life will be so for a few months, or until the end of ther year…

but… oh no… now looking at it,

is it ok that i’ve become so geeky?

but i do enjoy my project though.

it’s challenging, but really interesting and fun…

for the internship, although i can’t learn much about technical stuff but still it’s useful in exposing me to the real working life in an IT company…

my supervisor is nice but… i think he should control me more or else i’ll lose my discipline… lol!

and… sigh… swine flu virus has finally reached singapore… 4 cases now… fortunately it doesn’t take away any life yet :)

my parents and sister are coming to singapore next weekend! umm but, following a tour package… and i’ve seen the itinerary… :S it’s abit… boring… :X and i need to go to marina barrage again! *sigh* also places like merlion, underwater world, musical fountain etc in sentosa :’( for some unknown reason i feel super uneasy in my heart. why? why did they choose to take up a tour package? i already had some plan in mind since long ago and i hope to do it with my family one day… but now it’s gone.

there’s actually nothing to be so angry about them going for tour package, but my heart is really feeling uncomfortable, even to the extent of wanting to cry. i really dunno why… perhaps, it’s just hormone that’s making my emotion unstable. perhaps.

ok. time to continue working